marlene mountain
as is
1999

 

7/8/99

of all

i do get this. but 'live' in a world that doesn't want to get it. yet i also live in 'another' world of dirt and trees and water in which i could drop into pretty well and drop out of the world that doesn't care. but so far want to see myself as in the complete picture. or as much as health and wealth allow. this also includes tv news of other peoples' lives and stuff. which i include in my here and now--just a few feet away. a hermit with a tv and email. and a grandson--friends and family but i'm weary of driving and getting there. yet i've always lived inside my mind which used to be bigger. it's a rather limited life to most. i may or may not be better off if i tuned-out the noise of the world. be ye in the world but not of the world--doesn't quite set right as yet. after a spring dirt spree i'm doing nothing. don't know how or can't seem to do some of the somethings i had in mind. things more than laziness/tiredness often in the way. re female. i think this quest for oneness is more of a male thing. mentioned this in the annos maybe. moon/menses/tides/birthing/connection between left/right brain spheres might have something to do with this in spite of patriarchal institutions which try to destroy this integrity. desperate male creation stories of males birthing the earth/civil law etc. attempts to kill and/or blame the spirit/body of the previous natural 'order' of female. not matriarchy as in 'patriarchal matriarchy.' big difference. did you ever get a chance to see gimbutus' books? the sculpture, pots, designs, symbols. whew. if we're on a quest there's the place to begin/end. unless we can go further 'back' to hominids in 'africa.' to lose one's self in the female from where we came and where we go. i know men who understand this somewhat. and i'd say upfront/initially it's the most difficult/scariest quest/acceptance of all.

 

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